I guess a halfway house would be to provide a variety of choices via sliders and radio buttons to allow individuals to produce something close to their internal vision for others to perceive/experience. A bit like lifting the lid on one's brain for everyone to have a looksee.
You'll remember how the crew member using the Startrek holodeck used to fiddle with the settings for their beautiful companion to match their heroine in the (usually) gangster novel they were living out. I think at one point a holodeck enhancement produced an avatar so real that someone fell in love with it!